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Shart Paper: Based Off of True Events (21+) (Potty Humor)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by WaffleMC, Jul 4, 2017.

?

Did you smirk like a privileged Creole Shotakovich?

  1. Well greasy my gizzard and call me a scrotum hunter.

    3 vote(s)
    42.9%
  2. Oh that's what a shart is!? I think I did that in 2nd Grade.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Ooooooh the Beans! D:

    4 vote(s)
    57.1%
  1. WaffleMC

    Drifter

    Joined:
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    Well I hope you're happy @SineXTroid @ArcticNebula @Naveen_luxe @quikshot . It is finally here. As the title suggests, the following story is ficticious, yet it follows incidents that truly happened. Once again, this is your boy syrupy wet Waffle. I'm out.

    Shart Paper

    The noonday sun blazed brightly, as summer had just begun. Doge floated lazily in his pool, his fur-lined nips were pink, stung by mild sunburn. All of a sudden the doorbell sounded and Doge fell off his floaty pad in surprise. He accidently banged his nutsack against the side of the pool.

    “Aaiiieeeeeeee!” He screamed in pain.

    He angrily entered his doghouse mansion and opened the front door forcefully.

    “Hey big boy!” Trevor smiled widely.

    “uh.. hey Quik what brings you to my humble abode?”

    “Did you forget what today was?” Quik asked in surprise.

    All of a sudden Doge remembered. “Oh of course! I’d never forget about the Annual Upper-Staff potluck! So it looks like you brought some KFC. Good shit my man.”

    “This aint no KFC.” Quik said with a wink. “This is some of that Ohio Fried Chicken! Beeeeitch.”

    “Whatever, bring it inside.”

    Moments later there was another knock on the door.

    “Come in!” Doge screeched.

    SineXTroid entered with a huge steamy pot.

    “What is that latino-oriented scent I sniff?” asked Nich.

    “This is my family’s secret beans. This recipe has been passed down for centuries.” Sine dropped the huge vat upon the countertop. “Careful, it’s a little spicy.”

    “Ok…” Doge said resigned. “So we got some knockoff KFC and some random-ass beaner recipe straight outta Putoville. Great.”

    “Is Gunstar gonna come?” Sine asked nervously.

    “We don’t talk about him!” Doge said quickly.

    The front door sounded once more with a sharp knock-knock.

    “Come in!”

    The Z-Dawg himself entered, he was flanked by two very busty Asian women. Their womanly appendages jiggled attractively, simultaneously to zreed’s steps.

    “What is this?!” Doge ask startled.

    “I am here for the Upper-Staff ThotFuck” zreed pronounced proudly.

    “What the fu…. zreed! I said Potluck! Not ThotFuck!

    “Oh that’s awkward…” zreed said embarrassed. With a bellow zreed shouted: “Begone Thots!” and he shoved the two women out the door. He made sure to slap both their asses as they departed. "Why does it smell like wet dog by the way?"

    “Anywayssss… Let’s Eat!” Doge shouted, trying to erase what he had just witnessed.

    The gentlemen grabbed a bunch of dog-bowls and grabbed some greasy OFC. They poured the wet beans on top of the chicken.

    “Now we eatin!” Quik said happily.

    The four staff loudly chowed down, inhaling the slop, like pigs from a trough.

    All of a sudden, Doge felt a pressure burning in the pit of his stomach. “I really need to pass some gas, maybe I can do it silently.” He thought to himself.

    He silently pushed and immediately knew he had made a mistake. A wet squelch noise arose from his trousers.

    “What the fuck was that?” zreed asked with a mouthful of beans.

    “Uhhhhh.. it’s Thunder! Yea thunder!” Doge quickly said.

    He felt a warm sensation touching his bare butt cheeks. With a realization of horror, Doge realized he had sharted. The greasy shit-sauce lined his tighty-whitey underwear, and the smell started to spread.

    “Excuse me gentlemen!” Nich jumped up. Luckily none of them noticed the big wet brown-green stain on his rump.

    “Fuck..fuck..fuck…I need to get a bathroom fast!” Nich thought to himself.

    No sooner had he sat upon the porcelain throne, he felt the stream of wet and spicy discharge erupt from his butthole. It stung like someone had touched a fiery brand to his arse. Sweat rapidy dripped down his face.

    “oooooooooh the beansssss!”

    Minutes passed…

    With a sigh or relief the onslaught finally ceased. Doge felt the thick shit still stuck to him. Reaching for toilet paper, he felt only cool metal.

    Doge slowly looked up to see an empty TP holder.

    “Noooo this can’t be happening.” He said, pale and weak.

    “I need Toilet Paperrrrrrr!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

    Sine knocked on the door. “Hey Doge, you seem to be out of TP in the other bathrooms as well.

    “God damnit!”

    “By the way Doge, are you brewing in there? Whatever you’re doing, it smells like some seriously dark magic.”

    “Shut the fuck up Sine, you’re not helping! Just get out of the way, I am going to look for the toilet paper myself!”

    Doge opened the bathroom door and made a mad dash down the hall. Turd dripped onto the floor with every step he took. He slipped on a greasy pile and fell flat onto his stomach.

    “Ohhhh nooooooo….”

    It was as if he had just opened Pandora’s Box. His ass erupted like Mount Krakatoa and feces squirted in every direction.

    Quik, Sine and Zraddy took cover behind whatever they could find. Clumps of bean and whole chicken bones soared through the air. The walls, ceiling and floor were covered in thick excrement. After what seemed like hours, the explosively wet noise ended, and so did the geyser of moist shit. Doge’s fur was full of brown curd and he was laying in a lake of chunky sludge. As he stood up, his hands smeared the brown-green dung on the wall.

    Doge smiled sheepishly: “Well that was quite the deuce and a half. That was a lot of dark porridge.”

    zreed was the first to respond. “Next time you drop a big donkey… warn us.”

    A gurgle then sounded…. zreed turned pale…

    “Not the beans again!” Quik and Sine screamed at once.

    A wet squirt, and it was zreed’s turn to drop some damp, succulent, beany yolk yolk.

    The End…

    Please leave a like if you enjoyed any of this excrement.
    p.s. I counted 11 different ways I said "poop" (Not including poop).
     
    #1 WaffleMC, Jul 4, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2017
  2. michaelhill823

    Master

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    I have a horrible fear of this, but it was strangely entertaining. Well done Waffle!
     
    WaffleMC likes this.
  3. Nich

    Admin

    Joined:
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    what have you made me to be.........
     
    WaffleMC likes this.
  4. Mimxsaurus

    Apprentice

    Joined:
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    This brings back memories.. great story waffs :D
     

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